Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Random Bunny Thoughts #2

“Going back to a simpler life is not a step backwards.”
- Yvon Chouinard

Sometimes I dream of working in an antique book store, being a barista or even helping out at a Vet or a Pet Shop. Full time.

I don’t mind working hard. I really don’t.
But we were taught since young, that if we don’t work/study hard you will have no money in the future. And then you will suffer.

Everyone WANTS to be rich. You can have all the dresses you want, and all the money you can spend.
But having a simpler life, makes things happier too.

I'm currently writing this on a rainy day.
Because when I'm upset, angry or happy. I write.
I think I express myself better this way.

It keeps emotions under control, and also keeps me from doing things I'll regret later in the future.

I don't really throw a temper very often.
Temper as in if I get really really angry (I refuse to use the word "crossed" because the word is so mild compared to whatever that is building up inside me right now) and I hate the person to no end.

Normally, (for mini tempers) I would talk about that particular person.
Yes I admit it.
And to those who say they have NEVER talked bad about a person before, you're lying.

Anyways, throwing silent mini tantrums are what I do to keep myself calm.
When I cannot achieve that I will talk to close friends instead.
Then after talking things will all be over.

For those kind of huge tempers, I try not to show it too.
I keep it in for as long, but I never forget what they say. Changing my perception of a person instantly. This of course, rarely happens.

I once had someone say I have a broken family, for no reason.
And it hurt me to no end.

I DO NOT have a broken family.
We have arguments like normal families do, and each of us has our own attitude towards different things. Especially my sister. But we ARE NOT broken. Having spoilt kids does not give meaning to the word broken.

IMO broken families are like, people who like to abuse their own kids/parents; people whose parents are although filthy rich but they still ignore their children, causing them to take drugs, and stuff like that.

I tried to love that person back, the person that said I have a broken family. And that my mother did not teach her kids how to grow up properly. Sometimes I can, sometimes I cannot. I look happy around her, I have meaningful conversations with her, and she takes care of me so so much. So I'm still trying my best to overcome this.

This, is an example of the advantages of bottled up emotions. The not hurting anyone side (except me) of it anyway. I don’t mind it at all, one bit. It won’t change anyway, it never will. If I speak out now, next time it’ll be something else.

Whatever that came out of your mouth, will be with me forever. Whether you mean it or not. Maybe it’s destined that I have to dislike you. Or maybe I’ll love you back sometime in the future?

I accidentally got angry at my colleague yesterday for something he didn't do.
And I apologized instantly after. Explaining that it really wasn't his fault.
He was asking me about stuff at the wrong time.

I had too much things piling up inside.
Work, family, things I have to go through everyday life.

Sean told me bottling things up inside me is not healthy.

To be honest, I bottle emotions on purpose.

1. I do not want to regret what I have done.
2. I believe that there are more people out there that are in worse situations than me. And they do not complain.

Apparently yesterday, I almost broke down. I exploded yes, but I almost broke down.
Took me awhile because most of the time I try and cover my emotions by laughing things off, or brushing them away.

The #100HappyDays thingy, it helped in the beginning.
Until at one point, I forced myself to be happy. And to put on a different mask every time I’m around company.

It worked.
Until yesterday.

I dare not even complain that I’m stressed, because that’s not even close to what stress is. I was just, too full of stuff. And was holding it in for too long.

I arrived home yesterday after an event, expecting to FINALLY have peace and quiet.
To only have to put my happy mask back on.

I have to.
Because otherwise people will start criticizing again. Things such as:

Younger generations these days are so spoilt.
I had worse the last time. You don’t see me complaining.
I had to wear formal to work, you can wear hoodies and shorts. What’s so stressed about that?

I rather keep my mouth shut than having the need to explain that I’m not stressed/upset about my company, it’s something else etc.

I’m snacking on gummies as I write this. And listening to Ellie Golding’s cover for All I Want.

It’s been awhile since I’ve talked about something really personal like this.
Maybe it’s because I’m sick, or maybe it’s because someone pissed me off so bad by slamming the phone down halfway when I’m about to offer help and give advice about a campaign. Who knows?

Something so small, can lead to something so bitter.

This is life.
And I’ve blogged about it, with a tiny ray of hope that everything will be better after a rant. And that people should understand that this particular post helps, that I have done my part in real life and I only require something small like a blogpost to keep me sane.

bunnymama signing off

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