Sunday, December 11, 2011

“Sometimes I really have no idea what I’ve done wrong. I can’t help it if I overthink about things. It’s what I am and it’s what I do.”

Maddy got home after a horrible and tiring day at work, threw her car keys on the table and dove straight into her bed. While kicking off her heels, Kiki who was sleeping at the corner of the room ran towards Maddy, welcoming her home. Maddy sighed, she was glad she got Kiki from a pet store a few months ago. She really needed the company, or at least something alive to be with her in her apartment.

Right after she laid down, with Kiki purring beside her, Maddy had this sudden thought of her mother. It’s been almost 100 days since the day mother passed away. She remembered the details clearly, of how she did not get back on time to see her right before she passed away. Maddy hated herself so much and regretted till this day that she did not decide to skip that promotional exam the company was having. She wanted not to attend, but mother forced her. Even before Maddy left home, mother worried about whether she had her lunch before leaving for work.

That was the last memory Maddy had of mother.

Feeling the prickle on her nose, Maddy wiped a tear off her eyes. It’s been really difficult for her to go about her daily life without even thinking about mother. Grocery stores, shopping malls, hairdressers all bring back memories to Maddy. There wasn’t a time where Maddy had to control herself from not crying out loud in public. It was very hard for her.

Maddy wasn’t totally alone though.

Dominic was working overseas. But he hardly ever has the time for her. Maddy doesn’t blame him at all. But it can be very heartbreaking every time she looks at her phone, expecting a text from him and none appears. At one point, she gave up expecting anything at all and even started believing she was single. Convincing herself she has better things to do than to think about him all the time. Plus getting sad in the process doesn’t make anything feel better.

Kiki was the happiest thing that happened to her during these past few months of torture.

Not having mother and Dom by her side was the hardest thing she had to experience in her life. It sucks feeling lonely and sad with no one to keep her company. Maddy was feeling extra unhappy. There was even a time where her co-worker, Steven asked whether she was feeling alright. Reason because Maddy hung a very sad expression on her face every time she worked.

It can be very hard to have the two people Maddy care the most leaving her at the same time, and she couldn’t do anything about it but cry.

“I wonder if I can continue to go on like this?” asked Maddy. “I hate having nothing and feeling alone all the time.”

She stared at Kiki for a while, and Kiki meowed back. It wasn’t long before the both of them fell asleep, appreciating having each other by their side.

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