Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I'm already missing her.

Mummy passed away on the 17th of September, Saturday.

I was utterly heartbroken, mainly because I wasn't back in time to see her. ='(

Mummy tried so so hard to wait for me to finish my finals. Hoping and praying hard that her condition would not affect my studies. Staying strong till the very last breath. Holding on for me.

My last paper ended at 430pm, on the same day mummy passed away. Before I went back on Friday, her last words to me were "Have you eaten?". She wanted to speak to me more, but unfortunately she was too much in pain to do so. I cried so hard that day. I even told mummy, while crying that she couldn't see me graduate; couldn't see me on my wedding day and that she couldn't see her beautiful grandchildren.

I wasn't able to rush back in time to see her that day.

Imagine my despair when daddy called; half-sobbing and half telling me that mummy wasn't here anymore. I broke down on the bus. I really wanted to see her so bad.

I did not have a proper heart to heart talk with her.

Having conversations obviously yes. I asked her lots of things during the time when I got back from Kampar. Talked to her and massaged her, but not a proper heart to heart talk. Even the time when she was struggling at the hospital because she was having too many visitors.

I wake up everyday now with regret that I did not spend more time with her.

I went to have a quick meal with the family right after her burial. I couldn't even walk halfway through Leisure Mall without thinking about mummy, mainly because this was the place she brought me all the time when I was very young. We come here often to get our groceries and my school supplies. I almost cried again.

P.S: Thank you to every single one of our family's friends and relatives who came to visit her during the time when she was in the hospital and during the time of her funeral. I can say that mummy was very very happy to have visitors. =') Mainly because she hasn't seen some of them for quite sometime and you guys really made her day.

To the boyfie and his family for being such wonderful people. 二姐, uncle and aunty who took the time and came and paid mummy a visit on behalf of the family. The boyfriend who instantly rushed over after I told him about mummy. And also thank you aunty for the beautiful flowers you've sent. =')

And also of course to all my friends who really care for me and has been endlessly leaving me messages on Facebook, Twitter, Plurk and Whatsapp. Asking me to stay strong and offering me help and a shoulder to cry on. =') I'm very very blessed to have each and every one of you.

Not forgetting ALL of mummy's students! You have no idea how shocked we were when so many of you turned up. This shows that mummy really has touched the lives of many and is a very very dedicated and caring teacher. =')

P.P.S: I hope this empty feeling goes away soon. I hate being sad all the time. I miss mummy so bad. And I regret all the things that I have and have not done. I would give anything just to have her back healthy.

P.P.P.S: Thank you so much to the Xiao En Bereavement Care for doing such a wonderful job. My family and I are very satisfied with how the way things are done. =')

Thank you for all the wonderful flowers. Look at how many mummy received! The flowers were already crossing over the other side of the hall. =')

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